Okay so maybe they aren't true entirely, but they had to start out that way.  English food sucks. woman are bad drivers (I have been in two wrecks one of which I totalled my car and broke a leg.) seriously i have a friend who while driving can scare me.  But I really only say stereotypes are true because i changed jobs, i no longer work at a gas station, but a local walmart.  oh and rest assured I hate it as well.  not the actual work mind you but the crappy pay. every two weeks less than four hundred fifty bucks.  but whats that you ask don't you take classes too.  Thank you for asking that yes I do take classes but during the day so my nights are still free, so bam full time job.  less than five bills for 80 freaking hours.  WALMART sucks.  it really does. 

anyway I was gonna talk about how working there I get to see all manner of people.  the white guy who thinks hes from the hood, the mexican guy who doesn't speak english but won't admit it.  and my favorite the drunk chick who wants to know if i will give her a dollar.

but my point. did i even have a point.  oh well.  my point was going to be the reason stereotypes exist is not because people keep them going, but because dumbasses like to make it their mission in life to life up to them.

screw this I'm done.  oh wait.  you can trust me, I'm a pirate.

I'd thought that I might open this up with some answers to questions your family might want to ask you, and some answers to insure that they stop doing that. 

Fortunately, I've come up with a list of short, to-the-point answers that will help us keep any awkwardness to a minimum. Here they are:

·    & nbsp;   Q: So, when're you and your girlfriend gettin' married?
A: Well, it really depends on what her girlfriend wants...

·    & nbsp;   Q: So, you just got that new bed, what size was that again?
A: It's a queen.
That's a pretty big bed for just one person.
Yea, but if we had anything smaller, we couldn't really fit all five of us when we have sex...

·    & nbsp;   Q: So, you're living together. What's your pastor think?
A: Oh, I don't have a pastor. But the coven really thinks that our living together has improved our ability to perform together in sex magick.

·    & nbsp;   Q: So, you've been working at a bar, you're not drinking, are you?
A: Not half as much as Dad does...

But now for the real bloggtastic crappy update. 

I have a job. not a good job because I am very unemployable. I work in a convince store, for those of you that read this.  and I know you are there over one thousand people have looked at this and maybe half of them are me, but a convince store for those of you that don't know is a gas station with over priced goods and crappy toys you can buy.  and I know I have said it before but seriously if you look at this crap I post could you comment and let me know what if anything you want to see. 

Aside from that I really don't do much.  I'm trying to quit smoking again.  Lousy nicotine, so good and yet so evil. damn you Phillip Morris.  I'm trying to decide what classes to take next semester.  School sucks this I know, but I still do it because I want to get my history degree and maybe a degree in theater.  because you know I would like to have a good job.  Oh I got it. With history and theater I can do something with Shakespeare, or I could if I liked Shakespeare.

Yeah well I got nothing.  I'm done

Today sucked.  no worse than yesterday.  Almost everyday sucks thats what days are for.  It's like ten thirty something. not real late unless you take into acount that i didn't sleep last night.  I don't sleep much anymore.  I don't know why I just don't.  Online research says -you have a lot of time for online research when you sleep less than three hours a day- that insomnia can be caused by several factors.  Depression, ADD, some underlying ilness, mental dissorders, some internal problem, whatever the article was long and i didn't want to read that much.  But if i don't sleep then i get all keyed up and on edge.  almost bi-polar.  it would be incredibly funny if it were happening to some one else.  Damnit i hate this.  I'm all angry and for no damned good reason,  well no there is no reason to be angry,  not even an abstract thing.  oh i hate it,  dan rathers mother kicking an ugly clown do i hate it.  maybe its insanity,  but if i was insane would i think i was crazy. i don't know. 

People, oh man i don't even know what to do about them anymore.  i'm such a people person and truthfully most people, a select few excluded, just piss me off.  i don't know why.  i guess i figure that i don't like you and you punch me in the head then it was because you don't like me,  and if not our relationship will become one of mutual indifference,  man i love that phrase.  I can't wait till i go completely insane and have to be committed oh man that'll be sweet.  just watching mr ed and knight rider marathons all day.  That'd be the life.  oh sure there is the medication but as long as i don't hurt myself or others i can probably do that. 

Really all i have left to do is decide what cigarettes I should start smoking. Lucky Strike.  Because the irony will be magnificent. - sure that was from a tv show but it's true enough.  damnit.  oh well I'm done.

I like that song. Plus it has real life applications. Or does it.  I don't write much, there are two reasons the first of which is I have no real technical ability.  The second and most important of which is I do nothing ever.  Seriously today between classes I was watching the Knight Rider marathon.  That is a really good show.  Plus I have german ancestory (I doubt anyone gets that joke but thank you Norm MacDonald)  and I have to feed the need sometimes.

Since my last little blah-blah blog, I have had a birthday which means I am yet older than I've ever been and now I am even older and now I'm older still (thank you TMBG, two references two paragraphs, but no metaphors maybe I'm empty.  Empty like Michael Jackson's bank account and his defense.  boo yah baby I'm back)

School sucks I don't have spring break till next week.  That means nothing really just that I don't have to get up early but I don't do anything anyway so a week from school really means jack.  But I have learned of a new thing.  Speed dating. or at least i saw it on CSI: Miami.  Apperantly you date everyone for five minutes.  Good plan or you could go out in public and start actual conversations.  If you think speed dating is a good thing you probably wear High Karate and think members only jackets are really neat.  If this is the case.  lose the bell bottoms and go outside.  Don't tell people that you just spent the afternoon talking to babes on line all day.  Oh dear God I just dropped to a Napolean Dynamite reference. I must be empty.  besides the only people who will be impressed that you actually spoke to a woman will be your fellow nerds with whom you play dungeons and dragons and camp out for weeks to see starwars.  Samuel L. Jackson was in the movies and he didn't even care enough to stand in line.  Damn people suck.  I gotto go before I get really pissed.

Well I have recently realized that I have never actually introduced myself.  And I realize that there are people reading this crap that I post.  If I could get some responses so I know what to improve on.  Hell I'd settle for hate posts.  I'm needy.  or not But I do like to have some feedback.  maybe some suggestions.  But I digress.  or I am if I had a point.  anyway allow me to introduce myself (my name is humpty pronounced with a  never mind that is a really old ass song, good for a laugh though)

In this corner weighing in at… yeah that really isn’t overly important and if you must know I’m not really in a corner either.  I’m a big guy.  Big enough that I never had to deal with bullies in school, but not so big I need a crane and a saw to leave my house. 

Back to school a lot of people knew who my name (insert theme to Cheers here).  In school I am an underachiever not so much out of apathy, just that I didn’t care enough (I know what apathy is.  But saying I’m not apathetic I just don’t care makes sense to me) to try for all A’s in school.  Mostly because good enough is good enough and perfect isn’t usually worth the effort.  D is for diploma and that is good enough for me.  That sounds so school house rock, but it does sound good.  Like the little “I’m just a Bill, only a Bill” guy “D for degree, that good enough for me.”  I think I have a hit on my hands.

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   Well about me, I like playstation2, and when the PS3 comes out I will like that too.  I like pretty much all kinds of games mostly fighting and what not.  After all it is more fun to save the world then to win a trophy.

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   I also have the attention span of a gold fish that swims upside down, which isn’t all bad cause I can entertain myself if I get bored.  Well that is me…

Well after the joyessnes of my first semester of college has ended,  and I am now knee deep in what most people refer to as second semester.  I have learned a few things about myself.  Mostly this is knowledge acquired through hours of thoughtful introspection and conversations with my soulmate.  Or maybe I just figured it out when I average more As in a spoonful of alphabet soup then on my tests.  I'm thinking the latter.

But here is the rundown. 

I don't do math.  I can handle basic adition and subtraction and crap they teach third graders. My thinking is this any math after the third grade is useless.  Lke Calculus where there is a countable infinite and infinite. However when there is no longer one number in the problem.  It becomes a sentence lacking in several things.  Namely words. And... nope words be pretty much it.

I despise science.  Not because of the math, mind you.  I don't like it because of math.  But I can do the math for my physics class.  I despise it because if I ask "why"  I want a fucking answer you douche bag.  Not because "that is what the scientific comunitity has agreed upon" My friends and I have acquired knowledge in unison.  mostly that orange juice tobasco and milk are not to be mixed. 

I like history.  Plenty of second guessing and if you can support it, it is totally accepted.  (It being your opinion then you can argue it).  So what if I think that Napoleon Bonaparte had syphilis.  It rots your brain left untreated.  And a rotten brain wants to conquer Europe.  Hell I want to conquer Europe.  Who doesn't. It would look good on a resume.

Boss: so do you have any skills pertaining to management?   

Me :  I have conquered Europe, that should speak for itself. 

Boss: You have the job.

And that hugely fake hypothetical situation should be taken as grade A truth. 

Political Science is pretty much the same as history only it deals with political figures instead of events for the most part.

English, not that there is anything wrong with that (see what I did only by pointing it out I totally negate it) Is utterly pointless I figure I can read and write.  And even manage to use a computer with some minor degree of skill.  Okay so I don't stuff waffles in the disk drive(anymore).  But that still is skill.   Massive Skill. 

Well basically my point is... uh stay in school.  It is good for you and with out a continued education you will make sixty percent less than if you just finish high school.  Direct quote from my high school guidance counselor.  God I hated that woman.  She was incapable of counciling any form of guidance at all.  You'd have better luck using a fishing pole to catch a duck.  Than get something useful from her.

Anyway without college where would learn about  your fellow man?   your own expiernce maybe.  But stick with school cause everyone will meet a whole shitload of people worse off than me er uh you.  Yeah worse off than you.

So I go to the bookstore, and I know what I want I have that book in my hand but in my eighteen years of experience I have learned about me.  I like to wonder and I like to ponder, and to do both man.  anyway the store has your standard sections and all of a sudden I come across the self-help section.

Now before I actually go into the details of what I learned, let me explain why I despise self-help books.  Well the fact that someone had to write a book about how to help yourself tells me that the couldn't cut it as a head shrinker and now sell themselves as better life through me gurus.  Second reason. They are called SELF-HELP, implying to me at least that you had to do it yourself.  If you do something that someone tells you to do it really isn't self help.  It was more like assisted help.  And I won't say that they are all bad just , no I will say that.  All self help books suck.  The ones that give you advice are maybe okay.  But to actually to have the gaul to say "you are wrong live your life this way"  really goes a long way.  Now that we are all on the same page, and understand a little more or less let's continue.

So I approach the section expecting maybe nine books at most, I see like a shelf with like three maybe four levels and about nine feet wide.  I'm not real sure just how many books that comes out to.  but I know it is a lot.  So I think to myself.  I say Steve(my name really isn't Steve-but I do refer to myself that way) how can you a white guy age 16-25 with a big mouth and a hypocritical outlook capitalize on this.  Bingo tell people how to live their lives. 

And because I am easily distracted and have the attention span of a goldfish that likes to swim upside down.  I won't go into great detail.

How to make your life better:

• Realize that you are different.  noone is the same so a book will not tell you how to be yourself.  It's okay not to like opera but think Broadway is fun.
  
  
• Pay attention.  This one doesn't take much just listen to people spouses friends whatever. you'll be surprised
  
  
• Remember when you were a kid and wanted to eat candy and Kool-Aid for lunch everyday. what's stopping you? not everyday mind you unless you want to be the dude on Springer who had to be cut from his house.  So let the little kid in you out.
  
  
• Have fun.  Noone wants to be a grown up.  Take fifteen minutes a day more if you want, but just be a kid watch Spongebob, play videogames, whatever just be immature for a while.
  
  
• Mostly do whatever you want, it doesn't matter, life isn't too short.  The life you share with others is too short, so go live your life and love it.

I realize that this isn't my usual ranting, this one is almost purpose driven, let me fix that- Yankees suck.  Orange Juice is the best beverage on this little blue-green marble.  And .... something really witty and remarkably charming should be here. 

Banging out the words is the easy part but I hate writers block it just sucks because you want to write something and you aren't going anywhere sure why not write about my hatred of different junk cause I already have.

Oh wait I know music it'll motivate me

Throws down Big and Rich - Six Foot Town

Yeah that's better, and wait for it

Commercials and infomercials, sure lots of people hate them but I almost love them and at times they are better than the show they are interupting.  Or sometimes they are just funny. Like the Adult ADD commercial what with it's blinking lights and some kind of website and talking about like twelve things I don't think anyone can pay attention to it ADD or not.  Besides ADD isn't a bad thing.  Seriously now you can entertain yourself at boring times like business meetings, algebra class, prostate exam whatever

And Ron Popeil -sure his products are mostly crap but you gotta love the way he makes you feel as though this dehydrator will fill that empty hole in your life, and it might but unless that hole was a craving for beef jerky you'll be just as sad as you were before you spent the $120 on a jerky maker.

And one of my personal favorites was this commercial for tire cleaner, kinda like and ArmorAll for tires cleans stuff off and makes it harder for new stuff to get stuck whatever, if I cared about the condition of my tires I'd probably buy it(so long as they are on my car I love my tires).  But the reason I love this commercial is how they try to sell it to my demographic(white guy age 16-25) Kid drives up to a stop light in his car waiting patiently for it to turn green, when some girl pulls up beside him looks over at his car and says "nice tires" then drives off leaving everyone with a sense off inner peace and nirvana.  Cause women are attracted to a guy with clean tires, yeah right.

And of course the old KY3 commercial that used to run(sometimes you can catch it late at night) talking about the live closed captioning thing which I think is cool I'm all for closed captioning.  But the commercial is all about how the typists they have can type a buttload of words a minute with 98% accuracy, but wouldn't you know it the irony gods(not real but it's nice to blame someone other than the moron at the studio) let the commercial air with a mistake.  Something about a new farking lot or how you can fark in a new spot or something.

Point is TV is great and the commercials are fun.

And do the Yankees really need their own channel. 

Writing is an incredibly easy thing(and anyone who sees this is gonna go duh) and one of the most basic forms of communication people have.  But the whole point of this is just to show anyone how to write.  Or in my case type, but it is almost exactly the same thing.  But because I am under the impression that there are a lot of people out there like me I will break it down in step format, not really step by step (Step by step, day by day
A fresh start over, a different hand to play, The deeper we fall, the stronger we stay, And we'll be better, The second time around, and oh never mind)  But more of a this is how we do it.  It’s Friday night.  Okay so it’s Thursday morning but no one really cares.  Anyway this is how I write in a little these are the steps I go about it.  No keep all of your possessions in the tram because I don’t want to have to stop.  Are we all together,  Good now lets get to gettin’

Step One:  Pick a topic-   & nbsp;  

It doesn't have to be anything as drastic as "The Use of Rhetoric to Obscure a Lack of Content" it can be why I hate oxygen.  The topic isn't really important and for that matter neither is the content.  Lots of writers are gonna say oh yeah right content is the most important aspect.  In all actuality topic and content aren't important just so long as the go together you can't be all why I hate oxygen and discuss the ingredients in Pepsi. 

Step Two: Be Eloquent

Not Declaration of Indepedence eloguent but clean boxers and a tux to prom eloquent.  Beasically use examples make things real for example is a good thing or just say it like above the whole declaration thing that is eloquence, eloquence in its own right is still fine.

Step Three:  Talk to the reader

If the reader is actually reading it, talk to em.  Not Hey how are you, oh really I'm fine, just tell the reader stuff the need to know, as the reader you don't need to know that my boxers are curently blue and I'm not wearing shoes, that helps you none and I should have just left that out.

Step Four: make references to things people are gonna understand

You understand boxers and socks you may not understand the intracasies of Einstien's theory of relativity so I probably should avoid any actual details regarding the equalities of objects and their masses and how they relate to physical energy blah blah.  Whatever

SO... to summarize Topic, eloquence, speaking, and references and most important due what you want have fun with it because no one should tell you how to write so long as you express yourself, no matter what degree they have.

Do what you want be who you want, and if people don't like it, screw 'em

Buenos? 

I don’t like it I don’t like it at all.  I’m talking about people who can’t speak English, not hicks with heavy accents, not people from Brooklyn either.  I’m talking about people who rode the raft from the Dominican Republic or outran INS on their way out of Mexico.  (I’m a former telemarketer it came up a lot, a whole hell of a lot, but I digress)  Anyway the point of this little tirade is that if this where any other country they know English and they know it before they turn fifteen, I think if you want to live in this country you should learn the FUCKING language, damn.  If I wanted to live in France I’d learn French and not just the little tourist book either but take classes and become I don’t know FLUENT.  But for whatever reason, it is okay that your entire knowledge of a language consist of a McDonald’s menu.  It isn’t hard and if you have ever been a telemarketer or a Taco Bell in the inner city then you realize how vast a problem this is and really we shouldn’t offer services to these people either and I don’t intend to sound mean its just that if I say I want a whopper with cheese hold the onions and you give me the look of a dog who has run into a window not realizing it was there we have problems and if that doesn’t work then you shouldn’t either.

I don’t really care if I sound like an asshole, if you agree with me great if not FANTASTIC it’s my fucking opinion and so it shall remain

The things that irritate me to no ends and not only is it a long and semi-ridiculous list and I really don’t give a rat’s fuck.  Sure there are exceptions but I don't care and for the purposes of this list the excpetions will be ignored.

1. Self-Important People-  This is the guy who thinks that he needs twelve cell phones a pager and a PDA.  When my doctor has one phone and it isn’t usually with him.


2. Women Drivers-  Shut up I know its wrong to stereotype but I still don’t care the mirrors are there so you can see behind while in motion, if you want to use it to check your hair fine, I do, just not while I’m in motion usually before I exit my car and go into wherever I am going into.  Women Can’t Drive, I can’t bear(or stand but that’s a different thing) children we aren’t the same get over it.   


3. People who take their kids into the store and yell at them for asking “Can I have this?” -  I know I just said I can’t stand kids doesn’t mean I don’t like them.  I used to ask my mother for stuff in stores and she stopped taking me which was fine I stayed with grandma and watched cartoons so it was win-win.


4. Yankees Fans-  there really isn’t much behind this one I just don’t like them.


5. Teachers who think they are the only people qualified to instruct in their field-  I don’t care if I can’t say you or I in writing I do and you can’t stop me.  And I will continue to start sentences with AND until further notice.


6. telemarketers who really can’t get it right-  I did this and I hated it but if I can’t say your name I’ll tell you.  But my legal name is Donald.  Not that hard to say but I got a call today asking for Dah-nahld  I don’t know a Dah-nahld.  Sorry


7. Star Trek/wars/whatever and lord of the rings fans- if you like the movie fine I don’t really care but if you make it your obsession in life you just need to get laid. That will show your priorities.


8. People who think it is bread/genes/or McDonald’s fault they are fat-  I’m a big guy and I know why.  I eat a lot and then play PS2 and watch cartoons if I’d get up off my lazy ass I guarantee that I’d be healthier and thinner.


9. The Olympics- I really don’t think that dancing a horse or swimming in a synchronized fashion is an Olympic event, and I really think we could get rid of everything but the running, fencing, basic swimming, wrestling go back to the way it was in the old days I’d watch that


10.   Over-hyped bad movies or TV series/sitcoms-  if the show is good run a commercial once or twice and hour but to interrupt your own show for a commercial of your show is really ridiculous.  A few culprits final season of Friends, The Village both of which sucked blue balls by the way.


11. Tech support jackasses who can't speak any english other than what they have learned off of the Burger King menu.  If  I can't fix my computer I want to talk to someone who not only understands me.  But who doesn't speak in a cross of Tanya Harding and Joe Thiesman's busted knee shattered english

This is just a little sample of the multitude of stupid crap that pisses me off, any comments I'd love to hear them